Sorority Row (2009)

Rating: D-
I would really hate to know how much money was spent on this movie, and I would be shocked if it took more than a weekend to make. Unlike the Stepfather remake, I was mostly bored and hard-pressed to find something pleasing: no suspense, no likable characters (the characters we were supposed to like were paper thin, weak), trite twists, and pitiful red herrings! A complete waste of time. No one put any effort into this film unless you consider the viewer's effort to get through it. The only reason I am not giving it an F is due to a few tongue-in-cheek remarks from Jessica (Leah Pipes).

Feast III: The Happy Finish (2009)

Rating: D
Just over an hour in duration, Feast III managed to put me to sleep by the 35-minute mark. What happened to this series? I had a blast with Feast and Feast II. Then this installment comes along and spoils the fun. It's tough to say exactly how it went sour, as the very elements I detested were utilized in the previous installments: bloody gimmicks, unexpected deaths, humor. But, unlike the previous films, the way in which these elements were utilized faulted the overall experience. Just a bizarre, rushed conclusion to an otherwise pleasing franchise.

Feast II: Sloppy Seconds (2008)

Rating: A
This series is just plain fun. I'm so glad I gave in to Netflix's personal campaign to make me rent these movies, even though everything about the franchise looks stupid, lame, corny, ridiculous! For a sequel, this is game. Halfway through, I caught on to the pattern of the particular people who are killed (yeah, I'm slow). You get all the same gimmicks from Feast, but with better cinematography, higher production value, and a larger cast. If you want to witness Raimiesque character abuse and buckets of fluids galore, check this out!

Feast (2005)

Rating: A
Now here's a break from the ordinary that works! Netflix has been shoving the Feast trilogy in my face for a while now, and I finally obliged. Didn't expect much; in fact, I expected it to be yet another lame American attempt at horror-comedy. Lo, the humor is on-target and perfectly mixed with frenetic camera movement and quality gore effects. This is that perfect mix that is for some reason so difficult for me to find. Though the entire film--not that it's a lengthy film by any means--takes place in the same dilapidated western bar, it kept me entertained all the way through. And I can't say I've seen such a great use of on-screen profiles in a horror movie before, ever! Good thing I went ahead and snagged the next two installments: Sloppy Seconds and The Happy Finish. Hats off to John Gulager for this first installment.

Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2009)

Rating: A
I'm not sure where, exactly, this film falls in the chronology of Ti West's releases, but it only carries with it shades of Ti West's directorial imprint. It has the quickest pacing of all his films by far, and contains the most special effects of, well, a lot of films! After watching the over-the-top, cheap (thanks for the adjective Gore-Gore Girl) effects of Tokyo Gore Police, Cabin Fever 2 was a breath of fresh air. Fingernail gore, for instance, has always managed to "get" me, but this film pushed me to the limit! And that's just the beginning of its gruesome antics. In addition to pleasing bloody (and other fluid) gags, the film keeps a consistent balance between comedy and gore that is just plain fun. Plus, it contained a bunch of familiar horror faces including Noah Segan (Deadgirl), Michael Bowen (Autopsy, The Lost), and Marc Senter, who basically reprises his role from The Lost (2005). I will definitely be watching this again and again. I will not spoil it for those who are for some reason reading this without having seen the film first, but they couldn't have picked a better character to open the film! The rare great sequel has been achieved.

Tokyo Gore Police (2008)

Rating: C-
It had been a while since I'd watched any J-horror, but then again, I got bored with vengeful spirit-inhabited electronics and houses. So, the compromise: a movie that promised shock cinema in the form of a satirical gore-fest, Tokyo Gore Police. And it was just that. At the beginning of each fight sequence, I swear I heard someone yell, Mooortaaaaal Kooooombaaaaat! Then, the movie gave way to all out splatter-punk. Unfortunately, it isn't my thing. For me, there is a very fine line when it comes to gore. In the case of this film, it was too over-the-top, and while it was sometimes laughable by design, everything about the movie became too gratuitous and redundant à la Ichi the Killer (sorry Miike die-hards; I do like his other work though). What saved the film from being a complete flop? Eihi Shiina, who beautifully executed her role in Audition, and the hilarious social satire commercials.

Paranormal Entity (2009)

Rating: B
When people see this title, they're going to scoff, as I did, and dismiss it as a poorly done Paranormal Activity knockoff. Well, I'm here to tell you that, while it is a knock-off, it's not a bad little film. In fact, it's pretty good. Sure, it capitalizes on Activity's success--the characters even reference the film as a means of capitalization (though not of Activity directly), which wins points from me--but the suspense is effective, and the film obviously decided to mollify those who denounced Activity by addressing their complaints. The chief complaint being that nothing (physically) threatening really happens in Activity. Entity isn't without some holes despite decent editing, but the acting is mostly good when the mother isn't around, and the end works for me. One of my gripes with Activity was the addition of CGI, which Entity omits. Any horror fan would do well to check this one out. If you're wondering where this "mockbuster" came from, check out The Asylum.

Dog Soldiers (2002)

Rating: B-
A unique take on the werewolf genre that is equal parts entertaining and dull. Long lulls and attempts at near philosophical inquiry forced me to watch in the middle of the day so as not to fall asleep, which I have done twice trying to watch this at night. Some of the humor, however, was spot on, and the werewolf costume design was superb. Great blood spatters, too! Neil Marshall's second film, The Descent, is much better (one of my all-time favorites). I look forward to the next watch of The Descent whereas this one will fade from my memory.

Orphan (2009)

Rating: D
I basically just finished watching Vera Farmiga reprise her role in Joshua (2007). The more I think about it, the more I realize that Orphan was the exact same story, even, but with a completely insulting twist. When the realization scene unfolded, I was irritated, annoyed, and, as I said, insulted. And this coming from the guy who loves and defends High Tension (don't worry, it's not the same twist). I almost gave Orphan an F, but in light of Born, I'll stick with a D; it did have a few tense moments and fairly good acting if you like watching hours of mostly bothersome domestic quarrels. I might have considered a C- if it hadn't taken 120 minutes from my life!

Born (2007)

Rating: F
This is a big day, folks! The first F of 2010 goes to Born, a movie about a bunch of stuff where people do things and say whatever comes to mind. Every time my brain tries to process everything that occurs in this movie, I get a migraine. Sure, it has Kane Hodder thrown into the mix, and his lines are mostly hilarious, but the horror icon is easily overlooked. The script is atrocious; certainly no one really wrote the nonsense that comes out of the characters' mouths. The CGI is a joke: laughable lightening bolts and a baby demon who mashes its Transformer-like face against the main girl's stomach. This baby demon also manages to pop out of her stomach via a belly-button hatch every now and then. At no point did I feel the movie had something worthwhile to offer. I really couldn't tell what it wanted to be. At times it was humorous, but for long stretches it took itself way too seriously for a movie that includes a death scene in which the heroine kills someone by scrubbing their back in the tub. And there are scenes in which the heroine is possessed by the demon baby in her womb that have to be seen to be believed.

The Stepfather (2009)

Rating: C-
To be clear, I didn't have any false illusions of this being a great, or even a good movie. I even thought to myself, Why am I doing this? But I'll give the movie this: For a thriller, it wasn't too bad. In fact, the interaction between all of the characters, save for the boyfriend and girlfriend, and the creepiness of Dylan Walsh as the stepfather kept me engaged. What brought the movie down, ultimately, besides a lack of action between the five-minute mark and the ninety-minute mark, was the utter nonsense generated between The Boyfriend Who Knows Something Isn't Quite Right and The Girlfriend Who Is Immediately Ticked About It. Now, this is nothing new; having a character that gets suspicious, only to be seen as crazy or obsessive by those around him is an exhausted device. But this had to be the poorest execution in recent film. Other than that, this one is okay for an "edgy" family night unless of course you own the game Skip-Bo, in which case I'd go with playing Skip-Bo.

Zombieland (2009)

Rating: C-
Until now the only exposure to Zombieland I'd had was a short theatrical trailer that ran when I checked out District 9 back in August. I remember thinking, Oh, cool, a zombie-comedy with two Superbad stars, Michael Cera and Emma Stone. Well, it took me twenty minutes to realize two things: (1) the lead was not Michael Cera but, rather, a sordid knockoff of Cera, and (2) the movie was headed downhill. After the strong opening twenty minutes, Zombieland turns the viewer into a lethargic zombie for another sixty minutes with boring subplots and a farewell to clever humor. Even the surprise cameo bit doesn't bring the movie or the audience back to life.

The House of the Devil (2009)

Rating: A+
I am going to try to keep my emotions out of this review. (I LOVED THIS MOVIE!) Even though it is impossible, I'm going to do the best I can to provide the most objective review possible. (TI WEST NAILED IT!) I don't want to ruin it for anyone else by setting their expectations too high. (MY ALREADY HIGH EXPECTATIONS WERE EXCEEDED!) So, without further ado, here is a tame, calculated account of my thoughts on The House of the Devil. (PROBABLY MY NEW FAVORITE MOVIE!)

If you've been following Horror Dose this past week, you've seen that I decided to work my way up to this film by watching Ti West's preceding two feature-length releases in chronological order. I chose to do this because I didn't want to be disappointed by The House of the Devil, as every blog out here has been heralding this movie as a sensation, and I wanted to witness West's progression, good or bad, as a director. While The Roost had some glaring blemishes, Trigger Man took those blemishes (e.g. dead-time), polished them, and made them work. In fact, that was pretty much the pattern with every aspect of the two movies: Trigger Man effectively polished and redelivered all of the film-making elements of The Roost, proving to me that West was headed in the right direction (no pun intended).

The Roost and Trigger Man behind me, it came time to watch the movie I was dreading and anxiously awaiting. Dreading because of my unreasonable expectations; anxiously awaiting because of, well, my unreasonable expectations. West instantly shattered all expectations! I can't describe it, but something about the masterful throw-back 80s set and the "feel" of the movie caused me to relinquish my expectations and enjoy what was given to me, scene-by-scene. The film had that same down-time, or slow-burn, but it wasn't bothersome in the least. The stonewashed jeans, the classic Coca-Cola paper cups in the pizzeria, the enormous "portable" tape player; it all worked to create this atmosphere that I couldn't help by love. And it exhibited a wit that I've seen in Chan-wook Park's work and cannot properly explain, but it occurs, for example, during the payphone scene early in the film.

When the name Jocelin Donahue, the lead, appeared, I knew I had seen the name somewhere recently. Then it occurred to me that she played Maryanne Stewart in The Burrowers, which I had just watched the night before. I don't think she had more than three minutes in the movie, but after witnessing her performance and on-screen charm in The House of the Devil, I eagerly anticipate her next movie. Donahue, in my opinion, lit up the screen and carried the role masterfully. By the time West started hitting us with "it" I really cared for Donahue's character. Thus, all that dead-time equated to a Dickensian character development act that set the stage for the third and final act, which locked me in as a fan for life--a fan not only of Ti West and Jocelin Donahue, but of The House of the Devil.

If you haven't seen this movie, I would suggest watching West's other films first to get a sense of his style. Yes, it is a slow-burn as others are pointing out. West takes his time acquainting you the character(s), setting the mood, and building up the suspense. I refuse to describe what happens at the end, but I will say that I enjoy the abrupt ending common to all three West movies I've seen now. Each movie follows a slow-build-into-a-strong-ending-and-CUT! structure that I love. Who really needs to know what happens next? The House of the Devil is unlike any movie I've seen in a long time. Horror, lately, has delivered either extreme splatter-punk, torture, or extra (t00) sharp cheese. The House of the Devil strikes a chord that hasn't been struck in quite some time. It delivers everything I want in a horror movie.

The Burrowers (2008)

Rating: B
Not only my first J. T. Petty film, but also the first western-themed horror I've seen (I think), The Burrowers did not disappoint. It didn't wow me with anything, but it didn't leave me bored or put-off in any way either. Great pace, solid acting, decent creature design and a perfect blend of western settlers-versus-Indians and creature-feature horror. In the words of Last Blog on the Left's Maven, "We need more western-themed horror movies." William Mapother was spot-on, and I've been a fan of Clancy Brown since Pet Sematary II, though I am NOT a fan of the movies Pet Sematary or Pet Sematary II. So, check out The Burrowers and try to forget about Tremors while watching!

Trigger Man (2007)

Rating: B
Back to the rating system after having ditched it for The Roost. Why? Because I feel Trigger Man deserves to be rated alongside all of the other big-budget movies. This was a far cry from his first feature-length film, not only due to the fact that it takes place entirely during the day, but because of the superior acting, pacing, suspense, and effects. Hats-off to Reggie Cunningham for masterfully carrying the movie and for his hilarious composure at the Q&A featured on the DVD.

A lot of people are complaining about the pointless "walking around" again, but it didn't bother me at all this time. In fact, I thought this added to the sense of three friends quietly hunting deer in the secluded woods. What did bother me, however, was the experimental camerawork, the constant shaking, jumping, zoom-in/zoom-out, extreme close-ups. I had to look away several times. But, Trigger Man proves to me that Ti West is headed the right direction. Filmed in his backyard on a shoestring budget, he chose to do something completely different and it worked. Plus, the Q&A in the DVD's bonus features was enough to make me a West fan for life. This is worth a watch, or a listen. He loves what he does and is doing it well.

I am now ready to indulge in the film everyone is raving about: The House of the Devil! And then, in two weeks, Cabin Fever 2! If West follows the progression evinced between The Roost and Trigger Man, these are sure to be some worthy films.

Trouble Every Day (2001)

Rating: B-
Having seen such French delicacies as Them (2007), Frontiers (2007), Inside (2007), and (of course) Martyrs (2008), I was interested to see how French horror stacked up at the beginning of the last decade. A bit of searching around led to Trouble Every Day, and when I saw Béatrice Dalle listed in the cast, I didn't hesitate. If you thought Dalle was sinister in Inside, I urge you to check her out in this one. Zut Alors!

Unfortunately, Dalle's superb execution of a dangerously troubled woman doesn't save the film as a whole. The pace is reminiscent of In My Skin (2002); nothing happens until fifty-eight minutes have dragged by. And, yeah, those minutes drag because the film is creating a mood of discomfort while slowly leading to the big shock scenes; but the lead-up was severely damaged in that we are shown exactly what everything will culminate to at roughly the twenty-five minute mark. Not that I was hoping for some big twist or anything, but it's kind of hard to enjoy a slow-burn when you're shown at the beginning what it all leads to.

I still give it a B- not just on merit of Dalle, but also because the film showcased an ability to perfectly mix hyper-realism, splatter, and discomfort evinced in more recent French fare. There were only two scenes that put the film in the horror genre, and those two scenes were strong, hinting at what was to come. Had I watched Trouble Every Day before all the others, I might have been more impressed. Oh, well. I'm looking forward to whatever the French have in store for us this decade, wondering whether a movie will ever affect me the way Martyrs did.

Book of Blood (2008)

Rating: C-
The first five minutes had me hooked. For whatever reason, the ominous closeups in the diner pulled all my attention into the movie--an amazing feat given that my mind was still absorbed in schoolwork. But, sadly, the movie fell flat. In fact, it turned into nothing more than what recent big studio haunted house flicks have already exhausted. No one from the cast was interesting; the thrills were tiresome; and the story (a combination of Clive Barker's "Book of Blood" and "On Jerusalem Street") were lost in an apparently difficult effort to build up the twist. If you want an entertaining experience adapted from the mind of Clive Barker, stick with The Midnight Meat Train or Hellraiser (the first one). Or, and this just came to me, watch only the first and last fifteen minutes of this movie. Better yet, just read the story (advice I usually offer when someone asks what I thought of a Stephen King adaptation).