In Fear (2014)

I think I'm going to stop reading the text on Netflix envelopes (the only exposure to a film I actually do allow myself before seeing it). In this case, we get the plot hook "they find themselves tormented by a shadowy force that exists inside their car," which led me to believe this was going to have a supernatural angle. I thought, perhaps this would be something in the vein of a Stephen King work, where the car itself is a conduit for evil (Christine, From a Buick 8). So, I spent the bulk of the film trying to figure out how they were setting up this "evil inside the car" business, only to find that, unless they are figuratively implying this entity, there is no supernatural "force" that haunts the car. There is, however, a nice disorienting, atmospheric element of the movie that brought back fond memories of watching Dead End.

Storage 24 (2012)

If you have time to kill (I don't), finishing this movie could be an option.

Cherry Tree Lane (2010)

This one actually really got under my skin and bothered me; I had to watch SpongeBob after to feel better.

Truth or Die (2012)

Stopped the movie at about the 37-minute mark.

Airborne (2012)

Review forthcoming.

Rating: 2/5

Kill List (2011)

Here's one of those nice little films that divides a community into 2 schools: the lovers and the haters.  Of course, there's always the gray space between the two schools; and in my usual must-be-accepted-by-everyone way, I currently exist in this gray space.  Chalk it up to being a victim of the hype machine, but I believe there's more to it than that.  Perhaps I'll like it better the second time around--but, then again, I'm not so sure, being that my major reasons for not loving this movie stem from the "effects" (not to be confused with FX) that are supposed to make the movie great on a first viewing, especially a cold viewing.

Let's get the elements that folks generally agree on out of the way.  First: yes, the film is beautifully shot.  Not as in breathtaking scenery and colors; but as in composition and tone.  The photography is perfect for this type of morose, gritty film.  At times claustrophobic and never flinching from a situation, there's a lot to love in the visual aesthetics of Kill List.  Second: the actors, too, bring their A game, especially the stunning MyAnna Buring, a Swedish actress whom I kept thinking was Kelly Rippa and whom I totally forgot about being in The Descent.  The tension between the two couples in the beginning section of the film is genuine and highly laudable.  And, finally, third: said beginning portion of the film centers around a dinner scene between two couples, which was confusing to the point of securing my attention but not losing me.  I've read some reviewers who were put off by the thick accents and the general confusion of the opening, but I maintain that this works in the film's favor.

Sadly, the end of the opening dinner party scene is exactly, for me, where the film stopped being interesting and became an audience-exercise in oversight and grace.  The main character's friend's girlfriend goes into the bathroom and leaves a marking on the wall.  The same marking that's on the cover art, the BluRay menu, and just about all the other marketing for the film.  I hate this with a passion!  It's why I avoid trailers and posters as much as possible.  The disc menus are probably the worst at giving away major points of any movie.  Because by this point we understand that this is some sort of cult or religious film.  If you don't and I just "ruined" the movie for you, I sincerely apologize.  But I feel fairly confident that by the end of the movie, after the "big reveal" I will not have spoiled anything.  Anyway, back to the scene in question.  This little sequence with the writing on the bathroom wall was the first of many times that I asked, what is the point?

At that point, the plot is established that the main character and his partner will team up to carry out some more hits on a list of individuals.  As an aside I will say that I am a sucker for the poetic setup of dividing the movie's parts with titles--I really like this.  What happens during the course of their hits, however, is a constant recurrence of the targets saying thank-you to the main character.  Like the sign on the bathroom wall, this seemed like forced suspense.  As in, let's just throw this in to add some suspense for the audience.  The effect, in practice, however, was lame.  Now, it could have worked had they not given us the bathroom signing scene in which the main character is not present.  Because all of these thank-yous could've been chalked up to the main character's mental breakdown.  Why not just have the main character find the marking?  Thus again I harken back to the argument about the fact that we already get this being a whole conspiracy/cult setup.  With the very first thank-you it is pretty clear that, oh, okay, they're all in on this.  Each time this happened I found myself asking, what is the point?

And then the ending.  Ah, this graceful ending to a film we've already figured out.  (I'll have to talk around this a bit so as not to spoil anything, so forgive the vagueness.)  So, as suspected Kill List takes a departure from a violent mystery/thriller setup.  And there's a harrowing moment at the very end, entitled "The Hunchback," that I will admit is quite disturbing and shocking.  In fact, I can't help but feel that the filmmakers agreed that the film didn't yield much of an effect due to letting on too early and too overtly about the true story, so they decided to throw in one last shock.  But, wait!  Is this even really a shock?  I mean, perhaps the actual depiction of the event-in-question is; but anyone who reads into an early, seemingly misplaced scene, will not be completely shocked as the film alludes to, let's say, the results of the event.  Plus, as you might have guessed, this is the biggest moment in which I asked myself, what is the point?

Thus my final assessment is that the film does too much with the story.  It's an enjoyable (I use this word in the context of a horror blog, mind you) movie to watch, but it's irritating to think about at all.  So don't analyse it, you say.  Well, that's a bit difficult when the film establishes itself as a mystery from the start.  Hopefully it will hold up on a subsequent watch.  There's a section thrown in during a moment I've already referenced, in which some character (MyAnna Buring, I assume) speaks in Swedish for a bit.  Perhaps I need to go back and turn on subs or use an iPhone app to translate it for me.  Maybe, just maybe, this little nugget is the key, encrypted in Swedish, that will unlock the film's true pleasures.  If not, I'm afraid I'll be in the same boat, rocking back and forth in the gray space between love and hate.

Retreat (2011)

Against my usual self-mandated restrictions, I read a couple of reviews about this one; and for the most part the reception was very negative.  In this case, though, I think reading the reviews properly set my expectations (I realize this statement is itself a sleight to the movie).  Retreat does not offer anything new to the survival-thriller genre, but it does do a great job at prolonging the mystery of whether the military fellow is completely delusional or not.  And for that alone, this is 90 minutes well spent.

The Reeds (2009)

Rating: D
I have all eight of this year's ADH films on hand now, and I certainly hope The Reeds is no indication of the overall performance. Last year gave me hope, and I'm looking for the positive trend to continue. The Reeds, which I'm hoping is just a misfire, a poor first pick on my part, is trite and anticlimactic. Trite because the only element that makes it "original" or "fresh" is that the film takes place in a secluded expanse of reeds (but with telephone lines just in the background, I might add). Anticlimactic because of the two "twists." The first "reveal" is completely obvious because, like a gifted Vegas gambler, I employed cast-counting! The second "reveal" is just plain lame. The only thing that saves this film from the dreaded F-rating is decent acting.

Dog Soldiers (2002)

Rating: B-
A unique take on the werewolf genre that is equal parts entertaining and dull. Long lulls and attempts at near philosophical inquiry forced me to watch in the middle of the day so as not to fall asleep, which I have done twice trying to watch this at night. Some of the humor, however, was spot on, and the werewolf costume design was superb. Great blood spatters, too! Neil Marshall's second film, The Descent, is much better (one of my all-time favorites). I look forward to the next watch of The Descent whereas this one will fade from my memory.

The Children (2008)

Rating: D-
Because a rating of F is reserved for the true dregs of the barrel, I chose a D-. As much as I tried and tried to think of something, anything that could redeem this movie for me, I couldn't find it. Terrible on so many levels. Is there a good movie in the Ghost House Underground lineup?

Severance (2006)

Another pleasant surprise! British humor has always been hit-and-miss for me. For example, I love the original Office, but I hate the Monty Python stuff; and if you look through the handful of British horror-comedies I've reviewed, you'll see a similar inconsistency. But I love the perfect execution of gore and British humor here. From beginning to end, Severance had me hooked and wholly entertained.

Like The Office, Severance plays up the awkwardness of professional colleagues attempting a team-building getaway. We get all of the important characters: the inadequate yet passionate boss; the lackadaisical, fun loving burnout; the one black guy (i.e. Stanley); the dorky overachiever; the bookish brunette; the office cutie everyone loves; and so on. If you've ever been on one of these pathetic team-building getaways, or if you've had experience in "cubeland," this movie is a treat!

Initially I pegged the movie as being another highly cliched slasher, thus explaining Netflix's reason for offering it on instant viewing. Then the movie proved itself to be what I had it pegged for, but with a pleasant surprise. In other words, it does employ all of the cliche elements of the classic slasher, but it successfully plays off of them to offer its own twists. Lines such as "I didn't want to be accused of not killing him when I had the chance" capture the spirit of this slasher parody.

Aside from a massive amount of fun, the structure and plot are equally enjoyable. With a Tarantino-esque revisit to the opening scene, I was pulled further into the story for the final leg of the movie. If you love the juxtaposition of gore and humor, especially awkward, subtle, and/or understated humor, you'll love Severance. Check it out on Netflix while it's available on instant viewing.

The Cottage (2008)

Dumb, lame slapstick comedy has never been my thing. I was hoping to watch a horror movie, but The Cottage thwarted these intentions, causing me to turn it off at the 20-minute mark.

Donkey Punch (2008)

This is more of a mediocre thriller than a horror movie, but it still has its merits. If you don't know what a donkey punch is, check out Urban Dictionary, an indispensable resource for urban vernacular. Supposedly, this movie is based on an "original idea" by one of the writers (it proudly boasts this information at the forefront of the ending credits), but it is a complete copy-and-paste of a hundred countless thrillers where everyone is having a good time, something tragic happens, and the group begins to divide and form deadly alliances like an unrated version of Survivor. But, like I said, it has its merits: above average acting and a few brilliant shock-gags. Worth a watch if you don't have a good book close at hand.

Mum & Dad (2008)

A bizarre, twisted, grim British horror film that left me puzzled. I just can't figure out why, out of all the torture-plotted horror movies I've seen, this one was not enjoyable in any way. Seriously, there wasn't a moment in the movie where I found myself having a good time watching it, and that's what horror movies are for: allowing fans to have a good time with "horrific" situations. Perhaps this was the effect Steven Sheil, writer and director, aimed for. In any case, I can honestly say I wish I had chosen something else and left Mum & Dad unwatched. I'll take a Saw movie any day over this one

I'm not a filmmaker, so I can't even guess what kind of camera this was shot on--perhaps someone can answer that for me--but the video quality gave it a "realistic" look that helped emphasize dread. The video quality combined with the minimal, almost nonexistent musical score really brought the character's to the forefront of the film, which was a little different for a torture film. Traditionally it's all about the torture scenes, but this film does harp on the characters and their personal conflicts. After the first few scenes within Mum & Dad's house, the gore only seems to include body parts carried about in plastic bags, though there is one small little bit that caused both the heroine and me to gag.

Now that I think about it, this movie left me feeling the same way I felt after watching The Girl Next Door, though reading that book was a completely different experience than the below average movie. You sort of feel like an awful person for watching the movie, but at the same time you cannot help but stay glued to the screen in hopes of revenge, escape, something. But, like my experience with Jack Ketchum's terrifying story (based on a true story, mind), once that "something" occurred at the end of Mum & Dad I felt unmoved, still stuck in the grimness of the preceding 70 minutes.

My advice, watch Hostel, Saw, even The People Under The Stairs if you want a few visual gags, twisted characters, and a sadistic plot. Mum & Dad has all been done before, but not so poorly.

Eden Lake (2008)

Eden Lake is a good movie, but not a great movie. The directing and acting--especially the acting--were superb, but the story was generic in a way that caused me to think, I've seen this all before. Honestly, I don't have a lot to say about it.

While watching the movie, I was reminded of Funny Games *, Timber Falls, Vacancy, The Strangers, and Wrong Turn. Like these movies, it employs the realistic thriller method of making the audience feel they are watching something that could really happen. It does a remarkable job making you care for the main characters before pulling them (and you) into a living nightmare.

After watching the movie, I spoke to a British friend of mine about it, and he brought it to my attention that Eden Lake plays off of a very real and terrifying problem in the UK. Apparently, these "little wankers," as he referred to the kids, are running amok over there, fearlessly tormenting people. He went on to say that three people were stabbed by these hoodlums in his hometown yesterday. Had I been aware of all this beforehand, the movie might have affected me differently.

Typical Camping Misadventure Format:

1. Attractive, amiable couple decides to get away for a weekend of camping/hiking.
2. Boyfriend brings engagement ring along with the intention of popping the question.
3. Group of inbreeds, rednecks, kids in this case, cross paths with the good-natured couple and start trouble.
4. Girlfriend is made uncomfortable, usually by being ogled.
5. Boyfriend bucks up to defend girlfriend and sets the escalating conflict into motion.
6. One of the two is captured (in this case, the boyfriend).
7. In the significant other's attempt to rescue the captive, he/she is fooled by the innocent character from the beginning of the movie--usually someone who has been ostracized by the captors--and lured into a setup.
8. Boyfriend and girlfriend are both taken prisoner.

* Spoilers ahead for the movie Funny Games (1998 Germany/2007 US remake) *

Once steps 1-8 are executed, Eden Lake delivers an ending similar to Funny Games and The Strangers. After over an hour of the movie spent watching the couple narrowly escape their captors again and again, neither the boyfriend nor the girlfriend make it. In Funny Games, we watch as the girlfriend--wife, actually--is carelessly discarded. Similarly, in Eden Lake, we watch as the girlfriend is taken into a bathroom and the details of her doom are left to our imagination. The point is obviously to invoke the horror of realizing that this could easily happen to you, and you might not live through it, which is more realistic in my opinion.

The only scene that really stuck with me was when each kid in the group was forced to stab ("take a dig at") the boyfriend. The youngest of the group nervously shoves a box cutter into the boyfriend's mouth and aimlessly cuts around. Other than that, everything is fairly tame besides a few graphic wounds--again, this correlates with the intent of making the hell they're in seem realistic.

The British delinquents used as the antagonists pull off a stunning performance despite my aforementioned ignorance (paragraph 3). I found myself wondering what I would do in that situation, which is exactly what James Watkins wanted (ref: The Making of Eden Lake). Yet again, the movie plays off of the cliché pack leader who is deeply troubled and constantly forces the rest of the group to go farther than they want to. Eventually, the leader goes too far with the shenanigans and the group begins to turn away from him. The movie is careful to point out that the children are simply following in their parents' footsteps, however.

So, yeah, the movie toys with you unmercifully, offering nothing but false hope until a grim ending. I still recommend it regardless of similarities to other realistic thrillers.

* It should be noted that Funny Games has a completely different tone than Eden Lake, even though I use it multiple times to point out similarities. If you haven't seen it, you need to stop reading this pitiful review and rent/buy/borrow/illegally download it RIGHT NOW!

Review Soundtrack:
Dave Matthews Band - "The Stone"
The Black Dahlia Murder - "Deathmask Divine"
Pink Floyd - "Learning To Fly"
Primus - "Glass Sandwich"
Bad Brains - "She's Calling You"

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