House on Haunted Hill (1958)

For my first review, it was suggested I take on the original House on Haunted Hill. I remember seeing this back in '99 when the remake came out and I quite liked it, but the original sucked. I tried to keep in mind the context, but this just sucked. I probably won't be going retro for a while after this, thank God.

A poor attempt to pull off a handful of plot twists, and laden with terribly wooden acting, especially on part of the wrecked blond who screamed constantly like a whistle. The film almost redeems itself with the entertainment we get from the husband and wife, but it's all moot in the end.

This is yet another campy, cheesy, not-scary horror movie classic. For those of you aiming to use these classics as history lessons, @#$! these history lessons. I like horror movies, especially offbeat cult films. Do I need to paste the definition of horror in here?

I probably won't say this a lot, but, save your time and watch the remake.

Dementia 13 (1963)

Another selection from the Horror Classics budget pack, Dementia 13 is a refreshing brew of mystery and horror. Though not pulse pounding, acid horror, what makes this movie work is the brilliant acting of Luana Anders and the clever use of red herrings to maintain a consistent level of suspense.

Luana Anders, who plays Louise Haloran, delivers a stunning performance. She is conniving, scheming, deadly, all with the innocent face of an angel and an unwavering smile. In fact, the movie opens up with her character dumping her husband's body in a lake and then forging a note to his family, falsely explaining why she will be visiting without him. Her role is executed with such talent that all of the other characters are forced to take a back seat.

Despite the fact that the mystery was given away too early (and too easily in my opinion), the use of red herrings showed a lot of creativity in a young Francis Copolla, who would later bless the screen with the Godfather trilogy. In Dementia 13, we are given a handful of characters who occupy a vast castle in Ireland, all (well, not exactly all) grieving the death of a little girl, while a serial ax murderer lurks in the courtyards. The film does a good job of making it easy to pin the murders on any of its male characters: either of the two brothers, the doctor, the wily Irish poacher. But, again, the film didn't obscure the culprit well enough.

At roughly an hour long, we bid farewell to Louise halfway through as she becomes the victim of the ax murderer while attempting to plant the dead child's toys at the bottom of the lake in which she drowned. The murder is excessively tame, showing blood but no broken flesh whatsoever. Nonetheless, we get some creative shots from underwater as blood splashes down. Then, Louise is dragged, sans cuts, across the lawn. Later, we are shown a decapitation, which delivers shock value in contrast to Louise's death scene.

You have to hand it to Dementia 13. For the time, it was definitely gory/graphic as most synopses will point out.

I was a little sad to lose such a compelling character, but the story rolled on, steadily unraveling the mystery around young Katherine's death. Characters start sneaking around, flashbacks are employed, and for a short time I found myself questioning the true identity of the man behind the murders.

Style Points. Some movies are meant to be in B&W. Dementia 13 is one of them. It is the story of an old, immense Irish castle where many family members of the Haloran's have died. Not only has the young Katherine drowned in the pond behind the castle, one character points out that he hates going to his room because he has to ascend a stairwell in which his grandfather fell and broke his neck. The movie is haunting, ghoulish, stricken with death, all while stalked by a very real killer.

The scene that best sets the somber tone of the movie is the scene where the mother and her two (should be three) sons reenact the day of the funeral. The three stand at the grave, holding umbrellas though it isn't raining, and one by one stand behind the tombstone and toss a flower onto its soil. The mother then faints, shrieking that she saw the flowers die when they hit the ground. We are told that they repeat this same tradition each year on the anniversary of Katherine's death.

Dementia 13 is somber and intelligently written and directed for its time. A must-see for any movie lover.

Carnival of Souls (1962)

Last week I realized that I was seriously lacking in knowledge of horror classics. Sure I've seen the originals of movies like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Exorcist, Friday the 13th, and a handful of other big names, but I'm talking about true classics like Nosferatu, Bluebeard, Night of the Living Dead, Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde, and The Indestructible Man. The answer? Amazon's Horror Classics 50-movie DVD pack.

You may question why I would want to waste my time sitting around watching these ancient B&W films when there is an endless supply of relatively superb movies at my disposal. For me, I enjoy taking a step back and examining the history of things, how things have developed over time. It's like when I put down my Crichton, King, Cook, and Laymon books and started reaching for the Hemingway, Lawrence, Chopin, Poe, and Steinbeck books. Not only does it give you a new appreciation for the development of an art, you just might find that you enjoy some of the classics better.

But, unfortunately, so was not the case with Carnival of Souls.

Why did I pick it? Because it was the first movie of the collection. Will I continue to watch the 50 classics in order? Probably not. What will I do? I will pick and choose from movies I've actually heard of for starters. How much more time am I going to spend doing this interview-soliloquy? This will be the last sentence of it.

The movie follows a woman who walks away from a car crash unscathed as she leaves town and becomes drawn to an abandoned carnival. At roughly 80 minutes, I spent the first 40 minutes trying to ignore the acting, which reminded me of a middle school play I once saw, and focus on the story. The only real horror element besides muddled, clanging organ music was a guy wearing heavy mascara who shows up sporadically.

There was one cool scene where the lead is out shopping and suddenly no one can hear or see her. Conversely, she can see but not hear everyone else. I sat up and thought to myself, am I seeing the first Sixth Sense? Are all these people in this town dead? Is she dead? So, for the first time my interest is peaked, but then the action takes a lunch break and my eyes get heavy.

Next thing I knew I was waking up to a multitude (actually, it was more like 15) of these mascara freaks chasing the lead around the abandoned carnival. I glanced at the DVD display and realized that the movie had only minutes to go, so I was just in time for the climatic ending. I watched as the freaks, along with Mr. Sporadic Appearance, ran the lead down and smothered her. The movie cuts to the priest who employed her, the doctor who consulted her, and a police officer examining the scene of her disappearance. They can see her footprints in the sand, but they stop abruptly and she is nowhere to be seen. Finally, the movie cuts back to the scene of the car crash. The car is pulled out of the water and our lead is inside and dead.

I was right! She was actually dead the whole time. But I still wondered if everyone in the town she visited during her purgatory truly existed or not. I went back and watched the chunk I slept through, hoping to get more story, but all I got was this dreadful character who didn't realize she wasn't interested in his feeble attempts to sleep with her. He was the epitome of guys who cause women to entertain the idea of (a) other women, or (b) remaining single indefinitely.

I'm not sure if it's because I fell asleep or not, but the plot did seem to fall apart at times, and the acting made the movie seem more like an episode of Hee Haw than a horror movie. It's probably more fitting for a film student.

The conclusion: I've read pop-up books more engrossing than this but not nearly as original for the time. Post your thoughts on this movie and fill in the holes for me.