Splinter (2008)

This movie really impressed me. I found myself enjoying every minute of it. The gender role reversal of Jill Wagner and Paulo Costanzo, whom I haven't seen since Road Trip (2000), and their interaction as boyfriend and girlfriend was not only believable, but compelling--that is, I thoroughly enjoyed every moment they interacted with one another. The relationship was real, and having Jill Wagner as the more aggressive, masculine of the two (Paulo basically played the same brainiac character from Road Trip) was a great idea. Jill Wagner is the girl who hosted the recent TV show Wipeout, in case you were wondering.

If you're in the mood to be entertained, I recommend this movie. In fact, you don't even have to worry about "wasting money" if you have a Netflix account; Splinter is available for instant viewing! Seriously, the film doesn't waste a moment on screen. Every shot, every word, adds to the film's delivery. And on top of the acting, a surprising amount of gritty gore is thrown in! It's amazing what was pulled off in the low-budget horror flick.

The best line from the movie is Jill Wagner's reassurance to the fugitive: "It's okay; we're cutting your arm off."

(P.S. I know I didn't mention anything about Shea Whigham.)

Martyrs (2008)

Not sure how to review this one! It's an intense movie split into three acts, but to review all three acts would be to give the movie away. As such, I will attempt to be as evasive as possible. Once again, the only way to experience the full effect of this horror flick is to forgo reading synopses and watching trailers. Just go in cold, let it ruin you, and deal with it.

The first act was amazing. It was entertaining, intense, gory, fast-paced; everything about the first act screamed high production value, the right choice of actors and actresses, and skilled directing. Both the visuals and the sounds were heightened for our viewing pleasure. Truthfully, the movie could have ended with a little twist at the 45-minute mark and I would've been a happy camper. But it didn't.

In order to keep from ruining it for those who read reviews without watching the movie first, I'll refrain from saying anything about acts two and three.

If you've read anything about this movie, you've probably read that the movie left people stunned, numb, low, and speechless. Well, it's true. When this movie ended, I looked at my friend with whom I watched it and saw a pallid, silent figure who resembled the otherwise jocund hockey fanatic. We both agreed that the second act was a bit too long (i.e. too hard to watch, especially for that length of time) and the third act was just outright bizarre!

Today I feel as though I'm floating through space while my subconscious performs the temporal motions of my usual life. I can't decide if I liked the movie as a whole or not. As I've said, the first act was an A+, but combined with the rest of the movie, I just don't know. It definitely messed with me, which is why I watch horror movies to begin with, but I don't know if I wanted these particular emotions stimulated (or, rather, singed off!).

This is not a movie for everyone, but if you love being pulled down into the dark recesses of misanthropy, by all means, throw this DVD into the player, heat up the Jiffy Pop, and enjoy.

Valerie on the Stairs (2006)

This movie wasn't by any means outstanding, but as an aspiring fiction writer myself, I couldn't help but embrace the plot. Also, all the little "writer" details were pleasing: the use of Courier New font; the backspacing and correcting of the film's title; "Doc Brown's" (he will never be Christopher Lloyd) self-correction of well versus good; the constant reminders that writer's a far from sane; and, of course, the rejections slips. Other than that, the movie was just okay. A few musical stings and some cliche mirror stunts.

Skin Crawl (2007)

Solve a crossword puzzle, read a book, knit a sweater, play a game of tetris; whatever you do, don't waste your time with this garbage!

My Bloody Valentine (2009)

Synopsis: A vengeful coal miner threatens a small mining town.

Like(s): This is the first DVD I have purchased in years. I made the purchase solely for the 3D technology (and, of course, the nifty 3D glasses); Netflix didn't appear to have the 3D version. It was better than I expected, despite the deteriorated vision in my right eye. Objects in the foreground effectively stood out right there in my living room, freshets of blood spurted into mid-air, and a pickax was in my face more than a few times! It was definitely the most fun I've had in a long time. In fact, I spent more time paying attention to the details of the 3D technology than to the plot (not that I seemed to miss anything in the end).

Dislike(s): The character's were paper-thin. I really felt like I was watching an audition. And, yeah, it was a generic 90's style slasher. (Also, the poor vision in my right eye caused everything to look far "greener" than I would have preferred, but that's not the movie's problem!)

Candidate For Omission: Not unless you watch in 2D.

The Black Cat (2006)

Synopsis: Events that inspire Edgar Allen Poe to write The Black Cat.

Like(s): I'm currently writing a paper on Poe and his personal theory on dreams (specifically viewing "wakeful dreams" as an achievement of the profound), so when I saw that there was a MoH film based on Poe and his story The Black Cat, I couldn't resist. And I'm glad I didn't. This movie combined other stories (e.g. The Tell-Tale Heart and The Imp of The Perverse) with a short overview of Poe's later life, specifically the trials and tribulations he faced. Elyse Levesque played a dazzling Virginia Clemm and Jeffrey Combs portrayed a striking Poe. Thank you, Stuart Gordon, for taking the time to freshen up this nineteenth century masterpiece!

Dislike(s): I have no qualms with this movie. As much as I want to say 'it could've been longer,' I know this was intended to be short, and it sticks to Poe's theory of brevity, as found in "The Poetic Principle."

Candidate For Omission: No.

Them (2007)

Synopsis: A couple is toyed with at their secluded home. (Seriously, this is the kind of synopsis I wish they'd start writing for movies. Even the terse synopses on Netflix say too much. And don't even get me started on trailers.)

Like(s): Olivia Bonamy, first and foremost. The use of sound--make sure you turn the volume up--really kept me guessing! The film gripped me with its heightened suspense and threatened my life until it was over. Though I enjoyed The Strangers, I have to head over to I Like Horror Movies and tell Carl that I'm casting my ballot for Them.

Dislike(s): If I told you, I'd be handing out spoilers. Suffice it to say the one thing I disliked by no means took away from the quality of this movie.

Candidate For Omission: No.

Also Try: The Strangers, High Tension, Funny Games, Eden Lake.

The Descent (2006)

Synopsis: A group of women go spelunking and end up fighting for their lives.

Like(s): The chemistry between the girls, especially the night before their adventure, is outstanding. I felt like I was right there, hanging out and laughing with them. A few scares actually caused me to jump, and the creatures were eerily realistic! (I especially liked the close-up shot of the North Carolina license plate to give the appearance that this is actually in the Appalachian wilderness.)

Dislike(s): It was slow at times, but I can't call that a true "dislike" as it heightened the psychological dread of being in tight spaces two miles underground.

Candidate For Omission: No.

Three... Extremes (2005)

Synopsis: Three short films from three extreme Asian directors: Fruit Chan, Chan-wook Park, and Takashi Miike. Chan's Dumplings features a woman who will stop at nothing to recapture her beauty. Park's Cut features a disgruntled extra. And Miike's Box features a dark mystery surrounding a successful female novelist.

Like(s): I liked the diversity found in each movie. Going into this, I figured it would be an over-the-top gross-out fest, but Miike, especially, held back and delivered an artistic psychological film that I will watch again. In fact, Miike's entry was appalling in its tact; I'm used to a very different Miike. I haven't seen any other Fruit Chan movie's that I can recall, but Dumplings was by far the most disturbing of the trio. Park's was visually stunning, well-acted, and proved his skills as a director. Though the title implies that this is going to be "extreme," only Chan's entry begins claiming that status.

Dislike(s): Park's ending. Somebody explain!

Candidate For Omission: No.

Also Try: Oldboy, Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance, Lady vengeance, Audition, Imprint.

The Mist (2007)

Synopsis: An inexplicable mist rolls into a small Maine town, trapping a group of people in a supermarket.

Like(s): This was a superb adaptation of a Stephen King short story. Unlike the open ending of the actual story, the movie's ending drove the theme of hope home. Speaking of the ending, it is almost as if Darabont wanted to make-up for the film adaptation of Cujo. The monsters were vicious. There were more than a few tense, suspenseful moments that had me holding my breath.

Dislike(s): Nothing comes to mind.

Candidate For Omission: No.

Also Try: Movies in the same vein.